creature:fear

Welcome to my city.

Time for a little openness and honesty.

I hate going to bed at night. To put it frankly, it scares me or makes me uneasy. I'm not 100% sure why. The only reason I can think of is the fact that when I lay down to sleep..that's the time when my mind starts to run. I start thinking about all facets of my life and to be honest...very little of it is good. I usually drift to certain things more than others and it honestly just makes me so uneasy that I force myself to stay awake and hope that I can just fall asleep watching television or a movie so my mind doesn't have the chance to go where it always wants to go. Sleeping pills aren't an option, especially with my current financial state. So every night, it's a fight with my mind. What a terrible way to live. The end of the day should be the time where you lay down, relax and drift off to sleep to prepare yourself for another day. Something is wrong here and to be honest, I'm not sure how to fix it. Even if I did, it wouldn't be a quick one.

Secondly, people (friends/family) to me, have the worst time showing loved ones that they care. In all my life's situations, I've never felt this to be true more than I do now. Everyone is so caught up in themselves and their lives that they piss away the thought of others. I love this city. Nashville has that vibe, culture that makes it a great place to be. But in all honesty, I've never felt more alone than I do now. And basically, no one has given it a second thought. Family members that don't pick up the phone for a quick call to see how you're doing. It's sad. People just "assume" everything is great. And before you think it, I have let on to others the worries and troubles I've been experiencing. It changes nothing.

So theres a peak into my honesty. Welcome. Now go about your day.